Find a P.A.L.

Whenever you're dealing with something difficult, such as shame and regret from the past or anxiety and worry about the future, you need to find a P.A.L. Here's what it stands for:

Presence
Acceptance
Love

These three things can help you find the perspective to maintain inner peace during times of great stress. Author and spiritual innovator Byron Katie said, "Reality is always kinder than the story we tell about it." If you aren't in a place where you can understand the truth of that statement, P.A.L. can help.

Presence is simply a focus on the here and now. Mindfulness is another word for it. The benefits of being present are many. Past baggage can really weigh us down, keeping us from acting in the present to create a better future. If we can set aside that baggage, even for a short time, it can create more opportunities to feel joyful. Fears about future uncertainty can also invade the present moment and cause us pain. If you're driving your car and worrying about all the things you'll need to do when you get to your destination, you may be creating unnecessary anxiety. If your thoughts are constructive (for example, making a mental list of the tasks you will tackle first), that's one thing. But if your mind is simply spinning then nothing is being accomplished except ensuring that you will be in a negative emotional state, which will prevent you from giving your best effort when the time comes to act. Being present is the solution. If you are driving, focus on driving. Look at the road, listen to the radio or to the noise of the wind. Feel the steering wheel in your hands, notice the temperature, the cars around you, the scenery in front of you. If you are walking or working or talking, be present in that moment. All anyone can do is one thing at a time. Choose a task and give it your full attention. If you must multi-task, switching quickly between multiple things, still give your attention to what you are doing in each moment.

Acceptance offers healing. Whatever your reality looks like, accept it. This includes acknowledging the good and the bad. Resisting reality, wishing desperately that it could be something other than what it is, can be the natural state for many. However, it's usually a recipe for pain. By acknowledging reality we reduce the dissatisfaction we feel in life. There's nothing wrong with working to change reality, and to improve our own or someone else's circumstances. However, when we do so after first acknowledging it then our change efforts will be accompanied by a sense of inner peace whether we succeed or fail.

Love permeates every corner of the universe. It doesn't matter if you have a partner or not, if you have a loving family or have lost them due to choice or circumstance. You can feel love right now in this moment. You can open your heart and allow that feeling to enter it. You can be kind and gentle with yourself, even when you make mistakes. You can show love for others by serving them and giving them the gift of your attention. With practice, you can learn to replace fear and doubt with love and light.

Each of these three components -- Presence, Acceptance and Love -- can individually transform your life and your world. Together, they pack a powerful punch that can conquer discouragement and worry and replace them with perfect peace.

The Gift of an Ordinary Day

Dissatisfaction and discontentment seem to be a normal part of the human experience. There's always something around the next corner that we think will bring us happiness, but when it comes -- if it comes at all -- it is usually fleeting. We look forward to the next event that will bring us joy, and the next; always seeking, but never finding.

This pattern may be normal, but it's certainly not healthy.

True happiness comes from within. It's available to us any time we seek it, and we can find it in ordinary moments. When we are awake and aware, a hug becomes more than just a hug; it's a gateway to joy. We can feel the wonder of being alive, appreciate the beauty around us no matter where we find ourselves, and we can see the good in everyone and everything -- including our own souls.

When we believe happiness is something that must be sought externally, we constantly look for entertainment and escape. When we are content with who and where we are, we are still able to grow and change, but we can appreciate the journey as well as the destination.

Nothing could be more beautiful than the gift of an ordinary day.

Enlightenment

Recently, while reading a Facebook post on the subject of enlightenment, I saw the following comment:

"I don't think enlightened people are allowed to be rude."

It caught my attention, because it made me wonder about the different perspectives from which the enlightened are viewed.

To those who have never had an awakening experience, enlightenment is at best an abstract intellectual concept. It would be a little like devoting your life to the study of salt -- where it comes from, what it's used for, and how world salt markets fluctuate -- without ever having tasted it. You have knowledge, but little understanding.

Enlightenment is something that cannot be understood until it's experienced. There is no one path to enlightenment, and each person who attains it is guided to use their unique gifts in different ways.

A truly enlightened person may, in fact, come across as rude -- not from an intent to do harm, but because there is no longer a need to conform to societal norms solely for the purpose of pleasing others or receiving praise and approval.

When we intellectualize rather than spiritualize the concept of enlightenment, we miss the mark. How the unenlightened view enlightenment has no impact on the experience of it.

Portals to Joy

Imagine a bright and sunny morning. You're at a beautiful park. Children are playing, a small stream is trickling in the background, birds are singing and the grass and trees are lush and green. But you don't know where you are, because you're wearing a blindfold, you've got earplugs in, and you're standing in the shade so you can't feel the sun on your face. Even the shoes on your feet are preventing you from feeling the soft grass. Your world is dark, cold, silent and textureless. Reality itself doesn't need to change in order for you to feel joy; you just haven't learned how to remove the blocks that are keeping you from fully experiencing it.

My life changed the day I realized that joy is all around me and inside me. In fact, the wonder is that I am so effectively able to shut it out! When I'm fully present, I can feel joy each time I wiggle my toes and each time I breathe. It's in the air, the earth, and in the eyes of people I meet.

A portal to joy is anything that wakes you up to reality. Here are a few of my favorites:

Love & Connection
This may seem like stating the obvious, but I'm not just talking about romantic love -- I'm talking about loving everyone around you. When your heart is filled with love, it doesn't matter if you are single or married or in between. You can give, you can serve, and you can feel completely joyful while doing even the most mundane tasks.

Creativity
The desire to create is in our DNA. When we let go of judgment and just allow ourselves to surrender to the moment, the simplest act of creation can feel like transcendence. When we create, we act as conduits through which consciousness flows into the physical world.

Struggle
Why would I say that struggle is one of my favorite portals to joy? I dislike suffering as much as the next person; it's uncomfortable, painful, and scary. But it's also very effective, and I would not be who I am without it. Suffering is, in my opinion, one of the most powerful and prevalent awakening influences in this world.

There are so, so many more portals to joy than the ones I've mentioned here! Ultimately, everything is a portal to joy, for joy is our collective and individual destiny.

Suffering is optional

I may not know you, but I can guess that you've been through a lot of hard things in your life. Everyone has a struggle to tell, but struggling and suffering are two very different things.

Struggle is about what happens to you -- the difficult circumstances and events that occur in your life. For example, if you break a bone, that's part of your struggle. Pain is a fact of life, but suffering doesn't have to be. Suffering is what we add to our struggle -- the unnecessary part. If someone gets angry with us, we can choose to stay present and at peace. Their anger is part of our struggle, but it's very temporary. Suffering only occurs when we internalize their hurtful words and relive that painful moment again and again.

Struggle is about the present moment.

Suffering is about past events, or a fear of the future.

When we worry, we suffer needlessly. When we fail to forgive, our burdens can become unbearable.

When we make a conscious choice to focus on the good and beautiful around us (though it may seem quite mundane to others), we can experience Heaven while standing on Earth. There is nothing more beautiful than the present moment.